Monday, July 13, 2009

A tale of love and cars lost

(Heres the "I dont want to read all of this" version) Last weekend was crazy as well as last week. I was in a wedding this weekend and had a car wreck. The End. You lazy bum.


What a weekend its been. Well, its been quite a week as well. Last weekend was pretty crazy too...I think you get the picture. I dont even know where to start really.

Last weekend was something that I dont really remember at this point. There were some fireworks involved, a lot of Rock Band, and more friends than I knew what to do with. The next three days were a blur of a lot of things: work, bon fires, and other...stuff. At that point I was ready to be done for about a week. I got Wednesday and Thursday "off" then it was back to it. I guess that brings us to this weekend.

FRIDAY!

It was yet another blur: picking up tuxes, driving to different cities, rehearsing dinners and eating weddings...I picked up the ol tux and headed off to Richmond (aka 'nothing to do but bowl'sville). We got to the hotel almost when we were supposed to (I was only 15 minutes behind thank you very much!). We unloaded all our crap and headed down to the chapel in Berea, a town in which Ive never spent more than 45 minutes. Its a little unfortunate that thats the case as its quite a beautiful place when you step back a little bit and look around. The chapel was on the campus of Berea College. Im not sure exactly how old it is, but its old enough to look amazing what with the stained glass everywhere. What would have otherwise been a long few hours going over everything that was going to happen in the wedding turned into a very quick and rather hilarious few hours due to the company I was in. Lets just say there was a lot of butt grabbing, sex jokes, and talk of scotch and smoking pipes in the 'lounge'. When it was all said and done it was time to party, as the children say. The place we had the dinner was rather fashionably, though rather torturously, decorated. No offense, but when you have Tootsie Rolls in glass containers topped with a flaming candle, someone is going to get burned, its just a fact of life. Mr. Prevett giving a speech served as comedy for us and embarrassment for the Prevett children, which is just the way we like it. At this point I noticed the guy who was in charge of the restaurant we were at, who was apparently "dying to DJ", dim the lights and turn up the music a little bit. Now, for the record, I cant dance. I dont care what Richard says. Who died and made you freaking David Hasselhoff anyway? This aint America's Got Talent over here! But dance I did. The girls taught me how to stand there and look like Im dancing. What they called it eludes me at the moment, but Im sure Ill be told soon enough. All the favorites were there. You had your Cupid Shuffles, your Electric Slides and your Soulja Boys. The latter two Tabitha desperately attempted to teach me with modest success I must say (thanks coach!), though some of it is still beyond me. Nothing a little practice cant fix right?...yeah. The night was rounded out with a few rounds of bowling with my slightly intoxicated brethren and a TV-side chat with some of the family and friends(which is always good).

SATURDAY! (Morning)

Saturday crept up on us. It did me at least. All of a sudden Im sitting at Bob Evans, eating breakfast, listening to stories that should not be told at Bob Evans, or any restaurant for that matter. After the rather loud breakfast, it was back to the hotel to get ready. I was informed by my source inside the bridesmaids that they were running late (no surprise there, AMIRITE?!) which made me feel a lot better about the fact that we too were running late. We ended up getting to the chapel (somewhat) when we were supposed to, and it was picture time. Im fairly certain the humidity was somewhere around 246% because we were "sweatin like chuch ova hee".

Then it was wedding time. We got our pep talk in our sweet fireside room (sorry girls), and next thing I know Im out the door, standing up front, watching my buddy go and get himself married. I must say this wedding went exceptionally well. Ive been to a few in my day, some of which Ill never forget, and not for good reasons. This one went off without a hitch. One marriage license and a few pictures later we were at the reception. Toasts were toasted, dances were danced, cars were...defaced, and good times were had by all. Also, Richard tore a hole in his pants chasing a runaway balloon across the parking lot. It was fantastic. The newlyweds got in their car laden with Hannah Montana and Highschool Musical paraphernalia and headed off to...well...you know.

SATURDAY! (Evening) Yes this is the part youve been waiting to read.))

This is where my story actually gets interesting to people that werent there. We decided after the reception that we would go out to eat in Lexington on the way home (on the way for most of us that is). I was trying a lot of Tabitha-convincing. "Its not THAT far out of the way!" "I will freaking drive you there and back!" The latter proposal she refused (thank God) because it was 'stupid' (spoiler alert?). The two of us (Tabitha and myself) left a good 15 minutes after everyone else, and headed off to Lexington. Funny how much further it was than I initially thought. :) We got off at our exit and headed up Broadway.

The traffic, as usual, was terrible. I got to my turn and decided that getting out of the way of the firetruck coming up the street would probably be a good idea, so turn I did. It was funny how I didnt notice the Suburban coming directly at me at about 40 mph until it was far too late. Thats when everything went into slow motion. I hear people say it happens all the time, but Id never actually experienced it. I could see the truck headed toward my back door. I could see the two guys standing on the corner on the opposite side of the street. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw Tabitha behind me about to watch me be killed by this truck. Then I felt the impact. I dont remember hearing the sound, but I remember there was something really loud. I got thrown to the right as both of my passenger side windows exploded into the car. I remember thinking "Wow, thats kinda cool" as I was getting showered with broken glass. Then came my friend the telephone pole. All of a sudden I got thrown the opposite direction and everything stopped.

Im trying to remember if I heard anything else at this point. I saw Tabitha pull over and frantically try to do something. I later found out that 'something' was find her shoes. I opened the door (the only door that still worked) and sat there for a second trying to figure out if I was in fact hurt and just didnt realize it, or if I really was OK. My arm was bleeding where I got pelted with glass but other than that I seemed fine. I got out of the car and gave Tabitha probably one of the most sincere hugs Ive ever given anyone, thats when whoever was operating the slow mo machine decided to turn it off. I remember some people, some hugs, some police, some phone calls, some mom hugs, a tow truck, some more hugs, some more police, some pepperoni pizza, and a ride home. One of the first thoughts I had after it happened, and one Im still thinking, is how glad I am that Tabitha didnt ride with me. As we were walking down to the restaurant my Mom mentioned something to that effect and I said something along the lines of "I dont even want to begin to think about that". And even though my car was all but destroyed, I still cant help feeling bad that poor Tab had to sit there helplessly and watch me get slammed by a Suburban. Sorry. Should I be sorry? Probably not. Im the one who got hit, but Ill apologize anyway. Needless to say it was one of the most surreal experiences Ive ever had. Not one Id like to repeat obviously.

Wow, I dont think Ive ever written anything this long. I guess I had more to say than I thought.

Im sure its taken you about 45 minutes to get to this point, so if youd like to take a nap I would completely understand.

4 comments:

Richard Peckinpaugh said...

A few thoughts

1) I told the Men's Warehouse guy the story and he thought it was funny and let me off the hook.

2) LOL Drinkaments

3) I leave Prevett alone with a gun for 30 seconds and he shoots himself in the head. I leave Kurtis alone in his car for an hour and he rams a suburban with his passenger door. Typical.

Richard Peckinpaugh said...

4) My mommy drove me to work today too!

Joel Haubenreich said...

I expect my wedding to be light on Suburbans and heavy on "probably the most sincere butt grabs of your life." Be there!

Tabitha said...

That would be the "cool man dance". You stand there looking cool and like you know what you're doing, and the music does the rest.

Haha being a "inside source bridesmaid" makes me feel like i accomplished something..

Ya no apologies needed haha. Although i hated watching it (and screaming "KURTIS!" while bracing myself for what was about to hit you..) I am glad i was there for "probably one of the most sincere hugs Ive ever given anyone" haha.
Thrilled you're ok :)